George Tenet is Doomed & receiving Royalties for it.

I just have a .45,a slug of meat & mushrooms,and 3 cans of Budweiser out on the porch.

The CIA does its job by making friends with individuals amongst our enemies. This is done by a toolkit of money,drugs,charm,hope,political influence & assassinations… all the Dreams of America. There’s more to this intelligence "failure" than George Bush and the War in Iraq. We’ve set up the various factions of Kurds and let them slaughter each other & die at the hands of Saddam in the decade prior at the hand of Clinton. This hurt the ability of the CIA to gain trust in aiding any kind of revolution against the hostile dictatorship of Saddam. This image of America is broadcast around the globe to every would-be semi-democratic militant with the notion of a moderate revolution. But Republicans who support the staunch idealism of the Bush Doctrine and Neocon foreign policy care little for such fluffy,feminine qualities such as "image" and "reputation" and "feelings" of this country. We do what’s right, they say,and call it tough love – the kind of love a child needs to learn what’s Right from Wrong…

Our image is brutish and dumb, and as Iraq continues to throw itself into further chaos whether at the hands of Shiites,Sunnies,Al Queda,or the Armed Forces,that great American icon will become the face of death for many. We’ve shown our contempt for civilian lives,our ignorance of culture,our lack of international community. We watch as our Rich & Powerful continue to balk at Al Gore,and laugh at the prospect of a slow Armageddon, having faith in Jesus that we (read: someone else) will take care of it. And He always comes through in this country.

The most dangerous countries in the world are filled with complex social and religious groups,with many many clear fissures and subtle crevices between them. Even the most hardened regimes have dissenting voices and hidden agendas,and this is the space in which the CIA operates. Not in a particular region,but in a particular psychology… working with people involved with corrupt government factions,to make friends and gather the nature of what’s going on… offering the United States a questionable ability in foreign influence. Where direct military involvement would destroy the underlying good it hoped to foster.

But the Bush supporters have no patience for this sort of delicate balance. There is Right and there is Wrong,and there is Weak and there is Strong. They believe Bush reaffirms that the world is some safer place as half this country collectively reclines back in their comfortable,secure,and wire-tapped living rooms,watching fierce hatred bull-god iconographic mouthpiece at top volume on Fox News tell them that our country is under siege. They feel safe because there are young kids with guns being fired off somewhere else,far away, protecting their wives and homes and cars and investments.

They feel safe because the story-book enemy has been killed; if only we could kill the rest of the gallery of foes. As simple as that.

Meanwhile, the CIA can no longer operate by talking to our half-enemies. We can’t find that knife-edge between ethnic groups in Waziristan/Pakistan* to get a handle on even a cell-phone photo of Bin Laden. Our intelligence community is focused on the musings of retired policy wonks. Under the knife of both sides of the aisle for something the analysts and agents never controlled in the first place… Which accentuates the pass-the-buck un-accountable blame routine pioneered by Bush and carried out by every politician except maybe Edwards. This world is made up of 6 billion people,each one with a subtle shade of hope just out of reach. The world of George Bush is made up of 300 million Americans and its enemies.

Five Hundred Mag.

Nevermind that right now. This is a new dawn for America. The things I have done,seen,experienced,and fired in the last 48 hours have left one and all to question the very foundation of existence and purpose.

These are the kinds of questions one must ask,in the face of True Fear.

I shot God. Winged him,I believe. The firearm is a Smith & Wesson 500 Mag revolver with the 8" barrel. The 500 Mag round is the Almighty load,dreamt up from the depths of insanity that only humans can deliver.

I fired the Beast. Pulled the goddamn thing out of the suitcase,releasing the 5 round massive cylinder from its malevolent lock,spun it around,slipped in the $3.50 round counter-clockwise and slapped it back into position. Laboriously lifted the death-filled barrel up towards the puny paper target trembling in the calm air several yards down-range. Pulled the hammer back.

Prepared for the calm breath hair-trigger release…

And I touched that cold metal with gentle pressure with an excited/giddy maniacal Hope like a virginal high-school clitoris awaiting its first orgasmic escape by the brutal incapable fingers of a fat young inexperienced football hero,a frightening blissful anticipation become real.

True American mechanics knows no limits of perfection,usability and usefulness. It is hard to tell the order of events that followed in the hot split seconds thereafter… a gang-bang of nonspecific fearful angry acts.

Flame leapt forth outwards at towards five feet from the vented barrel down at the paper target,threatening to torch the parchment victim itself once the deed was done. The gas expelled pressure pressed back hard against our sinuses and heated our faces. Beneath my noise-reducing headphones tore back a violent blast. A wicked salvo of hot lead and copper blistered forth at 1,715 feet per second. Abhorrent laughter escaped from my caustic loving voice-box. The Gun fled quickly up into the air gripped firmly by my vibrating,happy limbs. The paper target tore back an innocent hold. And Death ensued.

In this terrible sequence,I had managed to injure God Himself — winged him,as it were. He leapt backwards with a howl,crawled backwards and cowered,fearful, shocked,holding his benevolent bleeding limb close. He turned back at me and gave me a frown of desperate sadness. With absolute disappointment,he walked into the short distance from here to Home and said "Fuck these people." He mumbled something terrible and quiet,and disappeared. I’m sorry. I don’t think He’s coming back.

To cheer me up for killing God,Chris did find me a bobble-head Mark Belling. It’s adorable. There is a bit of God in a few of the souls I’ve met on my way to this peaceful Hell.

Letter to the Obama campaign.

Here’s the crux. Most Americans want out of the Iraq war,a grueling endeavor that brings out the horrors of the human race. They want out because of its expense in money. In the fears of an over-extended armed force – and perhaps the fear of seeing the actual breaking point of America’s strength unimaginable only a few years ago… But mostly in the cost in human lives that has touched nearly every individual personally.

But the crux… the epic,the hinge,the handle that the Bush Administration,the Mean & Fear Tactics,the old Democratic Neocon ideals cling to and swing around and confront us at every step of the anti-war movement.

While we all fight back bile swelling up from the depths of our souls for the Bush Administration’s foreign policy,it is not simply _their_ fault and their war… it is America’s war,and it is America’s fault. We – us liberals – didn’t start this war,didn’t want this war. But we are in this war,just as much as we are in love with this country.

We – us – must hold ourselves accountable. I demand it from the failed Bush foreign policy (a demand that falls on deaf,dumb and blind ears of powerful architects like Perle and Woflowitz),and the world will demand it from the Obama presidency.

While we withdraw out troops from Iraq,a brutal and fearful civil war will play out as it has in some ninety of the most deadly civil wars fought since 1945. It will end in one form of "peace" or another – a Shiite regime after the standard/sub-standard Sunni cleansing,or a balance of power between savage fanatics – a military stalemate of sorts… While we drag Iran,Syria,Saudi Arabia,et al in the complete re-facing and de-stabilizing of the Middle East creating a new front for the Palestinian/Israeli "problem".

And to wit: if we remain,the same follows.

So it goes.

More to follow. I remain one of the cynics,I don’t hold much hope in my basement studio. But I make the music of Anger & Faint-faithful Hope that there is a Hero out there…

I want to hear Obama’s voice,clear,and loud,and unafraid. They skewered Dean for it… and we’re worse off in this quiet outrage. But fear not – us freaks,us irresponsible kids,and cynical old bastards are with you 100%.

Support our troop buildup wartime affairs without congressional oversight miserable course of the insurgency civility brutality stupidity support our president united strengthened patriotism jesus loved em support His regime change hands armed to the teeth from Iran gun down American campus candlelit psychopathic hired contractor consultant conservative condemned retracted statements over judicial fuckups at his pleasure serving your country your duty-free alcohol gasoline cocaine opium families petrocide war on South America natives naked support our pornography censored flag-draped caskets hiding American soldiers heroes voted off the show television nation button-pushing glutton glowing anna nicoles dead tits from the cathode projection brainpan voice-box fear support our outrage O’Reilly intolerance for the hippies homosexuals immoral marriage between her and his capital gains for corporate interests overseas trading life equity investments in oil refineries piping profit through the poor destitute prostitute landscapes on this globalized economechanical Earth-shaped improvised explosive device.

And Firefox spellcheck tells me ‘economechanical ‘ isn’t a word. Pfft.

American Violence. Desperate hope in a Bad Place – Obama at Milwaukee Theater.

I went to see Barack Obama Monday. I crowded into a hot theater at capacity with other some 4000 people filled with the wild excitement of rock and roll fame. A handful of teachers sat near us,discussing large topics of poverty & health care – of a system they are part of rather than what they’ve experienced. As I look down on the black empty stage framing a three-story,gleaming lit-up American flag,I sadly try to put together what sort of speech would tie together that day’s massacre at Virginia Tech yet walk the dangerous,explosive-laden gauntlet of modern American politics… looking to slaughter at the slightest hint of misspoken & manufactured sympathy. My notes are scratchy and vague,symptoms of coming down from the stress of work and a numbing drive. No clear thought,just a dull blur head. I look around and ask: is this too much restless chaos too early in the campaign?

The cameras and videos and tape recorders hit every aisle and individual. I was hit up by Bloomberg,unexpectedly as I was writing some of these notes. For the life of me,I couldn’t explain why the hell I was there. Did I like Obama? Who was I voting for? What of Clinton?

The campaign trail has a unique blend of circus and business,where clowns stand and seem just as viable next to fine-pressed suits and red tie donors & those sporting the Obama fasion – white shirt,coat,no tie. Both serving in their integrated roles for the Big American Political Machine as it rolls across all cities big and small,caring about every particulate of American culture. A live-wire electricity runs just under the conducting surface of the theater – rowdy frat-boy face paint and t-shirts bounce and jitter next while talking with stoic conservative monies. Some sort of hell-bent sense of belonging to the same thing is so ridiculous,yet meaningful,no one can really help themselves but get caught up in the current. Probably pushed on by the battery of media equipment sourced next to the group of greek brothers.

I couldn’t help but wonder what differences a Clinton crowd would have…. You also can’t help but notice that this is a much different crowd from a McCain rally.

I notice Obama has an icon some of what appear to be some sort of young body guard supporters are wearing.

The mics are brought out,and positioned down about half height of a grown human… which means the hopeful crowd is about to be subjected to music… or kids. The musak kicks in faintly. It’s 6:57pm. Lights dim. And,with a bit of a sick laugh,two kids come on stage to sing God Bless America to satisfy the audience’s desperate need for something safe,clean,precious & patriotic. Something to chew on that doesn’t taste like a country full of shit & death & fear & anger. I realize I’m not one of Obama’s men. My character is all wrong for this sort of dream. I’m too old & cynical for this song and these kids – and I wallow in a depressed,bleak thought of a God who falls asleep on the job – as I rise with the rest of the hyper-sensitive audience for a standing ovation. Another reason I shouldn’t have children.

Tom Barrett MC’s. He hits the keywords. Signs off with your standard "And now your next president of the United States,Barack Obama" to screams, hoots,vigirous clapping and waving and whistles.

Obama answers my question about Virginia Tech with his first words. He’s cancelled the balloons,no longer piping in music from Aretha Franklin and Bono (his words)… He sets out an improvised,last-minute speech about violence in America,kicking it off with a quote from Bobby Kennedy. He talks about violence in VA; verbal abuse in Imus,violence against children’s voices not hear,job loss,pensions & the workpace where the elderly fight with their teenage grandchildren for low-hourly jobs – Violence in our education and schools,leaving children behind. Violence in our welfare,in our health care. Violence of poverty. And violence around the world,in Darfur. He moves seamlessly without triggering the campaign destruction of tying Iraq to Virginia Tech,what any other politician would have blown and extinguished right there on stage in front of us (I was looking for it specifically).

He pauses. "And we tolerate it. We ignore it."

"We’re all connected. I am my brother and sister’s keeper."

And while this brilliant speech garners many applause and cheers,the audience waits for their moment of truth,for their cause,for the hit single. And,for the hour long speech Obama gives,he makes only one sentence on Iraq. And we all erupt into a frenzy,dominating… drowning out by decibels the cheers before and to come. A part of me digs up McCain’s attack – which was pointed at Democrats,but should have been pointed at everyone,all of us – what are we cheering? It’s a good point,but McCain doesn’t understand it himself… and I find it hard to blame people for finding it hard to choke down with everything else on our full American meals.

But he gets to a real point at the end.

"We’ve given up on believing we can change America. We worry about ourselves. We feel powerless,and we tolerate violence. How can we gain control? We have to push back against cynicism… The United States needs to live up to its promises"… promises in health care… mutual respect,mutually responsible. Not divided… This campaign is not for me,it’s for you. Change can happen… He finished this line with the story of Selma and the march on the bridge,where Amelia Robinson was beaten and gassed to the brink of death,and Martin Luther King came down to do it again. An example of Hope in the face of Violence. There were a few more lines, one in particular referencing the parting of the Red Sea,just to remind us that he,and the Democrats,are still overwhelmingly religious. "This is not black history,this is American history."

Good words in a Bad Time.

But a lot of common political rhetoric,and a lot of fear on my part that other rallies bring other good speech writers in this business. And while I’m pleased I was able to see a different tone of an Obama rally,rather than the typical confetti fanfare… No more giving people what they want to hear yesterday. Dark, doomed,fucked days,and people are finally paying attention to something worthwhile… but how long will they keep it? There are no fully automatic solutions in Virginia tonight,no idealistic strategies that will win the peace. Just a lot of shock and horror of American Violence… so it goes.

Email to my dad…

In an email I received from the half-reborn SDS,I responded to this particular announcement on the cutting of funds to the Womens Resource Center and the LGBT groups at UWM by the Senate Finance Committee… which I’ve forwarded below to the chancellor & student government.

I did end up at the Angels vs. Indians game that was moved to Miller Park due to snow this evening. Sadly,the snow’ll be here in a couple hours’ time just behind the Indians’ win. In the row in front of us,one small kid ask the other in a hushed voice such that their mother woulnd’t hear: "how do you spell shit?"… Not one of those questions you’d appreciate coming from your child,but perhaps one of those pieces of information you take for granted and comes indispensable throughout the rest of your God-given life… Especially if such life is spent writing emails to hopeful young republicans influenced by the likes of Rumsfeld and Cheney and mythical Reagan.

The SDS email:

As of yesterday,the SFC of the Student Association decided to knowingly override the will of the student body and the senate as a whole (as expressed at Senate meetings for the last several months) by submitting a final budget that de-funds the Women’s Resource Center,the LGBT Resource Center,LINKS Peer Outreach and Mentoring,and the CVSL for next year.

As one senate member coldly expressed at a meeting earlier this semester: if a woman needs a safe space,she can go to the library; if a gay student has trouble adjusting to campus life,he should be institutionalized.

Anyone familiar with these resource centers knows that they provide invaluable services to UWM’s women,LGBT communities,and racial minorities and,in turn,benefit the entire student body by encouraging a diverse,safe learning environment. The actions of the SFC can be seen as nothing less than sexist,racist,and homophobic – bigotry that has no place in our community.

The budgeting decision is now in the hands of Chancellor Santiago.

Response…

"As one senate member coldly expressed at a meeting earlier this semester: if a woman needs a safe space,she can go to the library; if a gay student has trouble adjusting to campus life,he should be institutionalized."

Speaking of Fairness and Equity,we’ve found ourselves in the typical realm of Finance and the American Flag. In a true academic setting,we’ve found the virtues of life represented in the youthful experience of student government.

According to the Senate Finance Committee,funding for the LGBT,LINKS,and WRC have been appropriated as ineligible for public university funding,opposing the Student Association Senate’s vote of 21 to 6 to include the groups within the scheduled funds… justified by arguments of duplicate services; stupendous bueraucratic expenditures wasting the opportunities of the poor & different. And in a tactic pioneered by our elected officials,"At around 10 p.m.,the Senate voted 21-11 to make eligible for funding the following centers: Women’s Resource Center,Peer Mentoring,Center for Volunteerism & Leadership and the LGBT Center.",and while a majority was present: "The measure did not pass because all SFC-related votes need 2/3 majority to pass." This passing vote representing the opposition,at 10pm,of the SFC’s decision…

Was this a decision made by and for a majority of the Council planning a recommendation for the 2008 lobby for How To Do Business? A position of abolition of the weak? Mitt Romney’s Make something of Yourselves committee? A question of finance,budget and commerce deciding what’s best for a nation,a student body,a dorm room,and your suite-mate who was raped by TKE last night – put together by the core diplomacy of a true constituent of the Help Yourself or Else.

The real problem is that finance committees,politics,and ideology do not experience,on a day to day time frame,the diversity of America – of the virtues, oddities,bazaars of the things we never thought existed… which becomes the multitude of experience of what college is. Not simply an Education – a piece of paper that proclaims your debt to Perkins, Stafford,etc. such that you’ve Paid Your Dues and accepted your position in life. But truly,the things that make you a Human Being, someone who belongs Here on Earth and whose dues includes accepting those who are alien to us – because we don’t know them,and don’t understand them,and we want to know more about them.

Instead,we Vote for Mean & Ruthlessness & Traditional,the aspects of Humanity that bring us closer towards wrath and injustice because it saves us money. For some,this is the bottom line that becomes our ends to a mean. The bullet in the gun,the fire under the fat,preside over us in hegemony. "And f#@k them if they can’t take a joke" as Kissinger stated To the Kurds in 1975. F#@k the Weak,even before Reaganomics took heart to most constituents and took hold of West Allis denizens.

Ah, it becomes late,and we’re tired of this infighting which makes us – us – the Weak. We simply want a place to retire,hope,pray,a place to feel safe & comfortable from Those who would rather see them die from poverty & racism inherent in every political association from this side of the assassination of MLK. Dick,where’s the f$#@ing bunker? Those are the truths who need it – the ones in Hiding,in Fear,in Escape. When do our friends become our liabilities in our credit ratings? When do the finance committees decide the eligibilities of our – Our – heroes without accountability to the American Public? Between God & Country we’ve lost ourselves in a morass of suicide money, replacing our democracy at the college level with a bureaucracy of monetary hedonism ascribed to Viewpoint Neutral Training as a laughable beer-soaked repository for lifestyle.

"As one senate member coldly expressed at a meeting earlier this semester: if a woman needs a safe space,she can go to the library; if a gay student has trouble adjusting to campus life,he should be institutionalized."

Find me the Heroes of this generation. Are they the ones with the money? The successful transnational Dubai-struck CEO’s? When Horatio Algers comes in like Zorro in a $20 bill mask to trade our salvation? To ride his camel through the eye of His needle?

Phone conversation with Tyler.

"You’re bringing the champagne,right?"
"Sure."
"Bring me an energy drink too."
"You want an energy drink?"
"Yeah,I think I need one."
"What kind?"
"Surprise me… Something that I can mix with the champagne."
"Why would you want to do that?"
"Why wouldn’t I want to do that? Isn’t it cheap champagne?"
"No,it’s EXTREMELY cheap champagne."