At long last; we’ve spent the last magazine preaching the gospel of Saint Jasper Oppenhemier against the rotten failures and dark days of America. No more kicking against the pricks of government. No more brutal jokes or hyper-offensive jabs. No more fucking Ann Coulter in the wrecktum on company time. No more brutal fantasies about Sarah Palin and her moose. The Bush Era is gone,and we’re stepping down. Do what all burned out husks of politicians do,when they’ve finally reached The End. Write a book or some crap.
Time to move on.
Maxtone Witherball has suffered a severe stroke in his tympanic membrane. He gushed a mixture of oil,alcohol,and black blood out from deep within his bassist skull,draining his brain of its required bourbon and momentarily caused him to lose all reason,and decide to move to New York. He will be missed.
Cole Hammond mysteriously disappeared,leaving behind his rusty-stringed guitar and traces of sublime violence against the last pitiful remnants of local discredited pundits. It is believed he has gone on some sort of personal sabbatical fearing Friday’s show.
The remaining members have no plans to quit the industry of loud, guitar-driven vicious and violent music or leave the world of politics and social criticism. But the bounties are out on our heads,and there are those looking to cash in….
– Stetson McWinchester